It's enough to give even the most unflappable wife, mother and career woman a bad case of the blues.

Last fall, University of Pennsylvania researchers Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers caused a stir when they published a paper in the American Economic Journal bearing the ominous title, The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness.

The pair found that women of all racial, economic and age groups are less satisfied with their lives than they were 30 years ago, while men report feeling more contented.

And that's puzzling, she says, because North American women are better educated and have made inroads into professions that previously were all-male. The wage gap has decreased, women live longer, and men have even started doing some housework.

"There are a lot of potential explanations for the decline in female happiness," Stevenson says. "Our expectations have risen, and society hasn't been able to fully deliver. For example, if we expect sexism to be gone, behaviour that's half as sexist today as it was in the past can be twice as upsetting.

"Women also are trying to succeed in more domains than we once did. One of my MBA students said that being successful for her mother meant having a good marriage, happy kids and a well-kept home.

"My student wants all those things, but she also wants a career and to make a contribution to the community.

"If she falls short in any one area, it will affect how happy she considers herself to be."

刻薄如此，我也無言相對了。

by just another Cosmo Girl

Fear is powerful.  It alerts us, motivates us to be cautious, brings us to safe places.  It is also a killer of dreams, of opportunities, of our own personal growth and passion, of living our life to its absolute fullest.  Fear of failure, fear of losing, fear of being humiliated.  It is easier to avoid fear than to confront it.  How about the pain of regrets for ignoring our financial interests because of fear and it’s easier not to do anything?  Choose courage instead of cowardice because saying “shoot I screwed up” is easier to swallow than “If I have done that, I would have been… and… and…. ”.  Knowledge and experience will give you the confidence to counter fear.  . 

My personal experience would be the choice of confronting my fear of public speaking by participating in the election of being the rep. in my university.  The embarrassment was temporary and it wasn’t all that bad.  The upside?  I learnt that things are not as easy to achieve as I thought.  I learnt that I need to be vigilant and take things seriously to get what I want (I didn’t do campaigning nor learn about my opponent when the opponent when an avid member of the student council who will try to implement excellent financial policies).   I learnt that public speaking is indeed a problem of mine and went off to take a course which requires me to present to a small class daily.  My public speaking skills improved and I have acquired the type of confidence I have never had before.  I also learnt that you always get something after confronting your fear.

In our lives, we would rather have choices.  When you choose to be tough, you feel confident and good about yourself.  When you have to be tough, you screwed up.  In any business, there will be tough times, but there are always ways to get out of or improve situations.  Financial stability outside of investments would be a bonus, but creativity is a must.

Try to understand where (s)he stands in terms of money and investments.  Then involve your partner in whatever investments you are into.  Relationships need money, money needs relationships.  Investing as a team usually makes your investments (and maybe relationship) more successful.  

How to invest?  Learn learn learn.  When you come across a word you don’t understand, find it in a dictionary, then continue reading.

Decide on capital gains or cash flow.  Decide and research on investment categories and types of products.  Go with something you are interested in.  Determine time frame.  Surround yourself with people interest in investments and partnering with someone.  Find the investment before finding the money.

I have wished for a one year sabbatical or working overseas since university but all i got was 3 months. 3 months is nothing in life! This is not enough, this is not enough!! 

I have to decide as to whether I want to stay in Ottawa or go to Asia - Shanghai or HK. It is a matter of stability or risk, gov or out, retire at 55 or yearning for more in life. Is it a short-sighted decision?  Is this how I was raised and live to be?  To settle for goodness in Ottawa?  To brave the unknown and work Asian style short-term and choose again in the future?  There is always a choice.  I dont want to deal with certain work and people in Ottawa, and I dont wanna talk about how they scam a pair of socks off the system or how much the toilet roll is. I grew up in big cities and I get turned off by pettiness and dullness.

I see and learn so much everyday by seeing people from my past, present, and people off the streets. Today, after relatives, I looked at a new development. People buy multiple flats at once. Nice cars everywhere, money splashing around. Will I have to give up on freedom for money too?  How much will I need for FACE?  How much for stability?  How much am I willing to lose and work for for the sake of FACE? 

I met up with a guy to practise my french. He calls himself a musician for passion. (a bum?  This doesn't work on Asians!). While his wife is at work, he macks on girls. (bum + scum?) Sorry for being an insensitive meanie.  This is libertarianism at its worst. I remember Screening the libertarians on facebook and only found pages and pages of men. I admire how the security guard in my building cried when he felt guilty for not being able to send his daughter overseas for more opportunities.  I appreciate how my uncle and aunt care so much about each other and their daughter due to traditions.  I enjoy how certain people treat each other in small town Ottawa and Asia.  Traditionalists are smart.  One might not agree with all values, but one who go along with them are certainly blessed discipline, security, and their own "xin fu".  Can I go along with people who work all their lives for a 500 sq.ft. apartment?  People who likes "princesses" and "princes" qualities?  A society with a stronger emphasis on status and restrictions?  The 100 different mentalities which I am so familiar yet unfamiliar with?  I think I can be a good "cat under the sheepskin" if I need to.  I can be one good sheepcat!  (Yes Marsha is nuts) ^^  That or I will just be an expat if people will go along with that.

I was great to sing K.  Leehom and Justin etc. all sang for me   I only know songs in the late 90s, early 00s, and whatever's put in the car and in my ipod after that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IYOsE29HuA&feature=youtube_gdata

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxRQ3g23oK4

Cats are capricious when they feel that you are threatening their lives, or livelihood

Cats are pleasers, when they want to.

Cats are good with their senses.  They are very good in detect their environment, personalities, positive and negative energy.

Cats are not lazy.  They just maximize their skills to minimize efforts.

Cats have a strong sense of survival.

Cats hate the cold and getting wet. Cats know their place. Cats have highly selective memory.

Cats have pride issues. Cats can be affectionate.

Cats cannot be caged or cornered, of course.

Cats are adventurous, but skeptical and timid at the same time.

Dogs get upset.  Cats don't. 

I have seen people regret leaving dogs astray after 40 years.  Cats respect dogs. ^^

Sitting at Pacific Coffee in Causeway Bay, I saw a familiar dark blue plaid pattern on the sleeves of her school jacket.  My attention immediately moved to the girl who looks miserable doing homework next to a filipino who was carrying her tennis rackets.  Little girl, what's wrong?  What do you want?  How can I help you?

Next to me, two middle-aged women were talking about similar topics relating to marital issues, mother-daughter relationship, selfishness / smartness, getting money in that fake classy-accented cantonese.. Despite how much the world has changed, somethings never change.  Not in my life-time.  This part of world needs some humanity.

I get annoyed when ppl tell me that i am acting just like my father or mother. I feel that it is none of their business, they r using the personal info i gave them out of trust against me, only ignorant ppl assume, and it is just bad taste. That said, after visiting relatives of both sides in Europe and Asia, I discovered so much about where my preferences, personality, thinking and behaviour came/stem from. I have to admit, children are products of parents. This is genetic, and reaction to parental behaviour and teachings.

The Science of Appeal. - courtesy of c'est la vie mon amie
I saw this documentary on the Discovery Channel and found it quite interesting.
So what determines what's sexy/attractive?
Keeping all else equal, it involves faces, bodies, voices, and smells.

As you can see, Evolution is key to all that is sexy/attractive. Survival of the sexiest(sort of speak.) Your genes are selling themselves to land the most attractive partner.
So looking across a room, men are looking for clues of youth, yet old enough to reproduce(a developed body) and women are looking for strong, dominant, masculine men.
All of these characteristics are determined at puberty.
The amount of hormones(testosterone or estrogen) present during puberty will determine how sexy you'll be.
This is when males with alot of testosterone will develop deeper voices, squarer jawlines, thicker brows, and squarer hairlines. And women with alot of estrogen will develop breasts, curvier hips, and higher pitch voices.
*hmmm......not that I advise this because  I have no idea of the side-effects, but would this mean that if you take the respective hormones at puberty, you'd have more masculine features or bigger breasts?*

Smell, voice pitch, and face symmetry might be unconscious detectors of attractiveness, but if you're trying to consciously assess the future of a relationship, Dr. Berman says there's one surefire way.
Attraction has many stages leading to the first kiss(which is a make or break point.)
You really learn a lot from a kiss. … "Sixty-six percent of women say they would dump a guy after a bad first kiss," she says. "It's not only because you're getting that good whiff of him so you're seeing if you like the way he smells. All your senses are engaged, and you get a sense of his sensuality, his connection, whether he's a take-charge kind of guy or more of a stepping back kind."
When it comes to relationships, Dr. Berman says kissing frequency is a direct indicator of happiness. "It turns out that couples who kiss and cuddle regularly are eight times less likely to be stressed and depressed than couples who don't get that," she says. "You have to have a minimum of a 10-second kiss every day."

But before you get to that point, let's talk about the factors that you can control with respect to sex appeal.
Women want the more dominant and powerful males to provide for her and her offsprings. So in addition to good genes, she wants deep pockets. It's natural, nothing personal. Don't be calling women gold diggers....just survivers for the most part.

An experiment was done where pictures of men were shown to a group of women and they were asked to give the men a rating. The ratings were averaged out for each picture. Then they did the same experiment again with the same pictures of men to a different group of women(but with ficticious occupations and salaries attached.) They purposefully gave the more good looking men lower paying jobs and more unattractive men more prestigious, higher paying jobs. The results were not surprising:
The man that was previously rated a 9 out of 10 but now only makes 23.5K/year as a waitor was now a 4.5 out of 10. The man that was previously rated a 4 on looks alone, was now a 9 with a 375K/year salary.
Perception can change that easily without personality involvement. Income, occupation, even the type of car he drives can show a woman his status, dominance, power, wealth, and overall suitability as a partner and protector of her and her brood.

So in essence, in the modern world beyond the caveman era, men need status to be viewed as sexually appealing and thus matable to continue the process of evolution. And women....well that has not changed, they still need to be physcially attractive.

Therefore, in a speed dating experiment, where attraction has to be determined within 7 minutes, men tend to talk about their occupation and educational degrees and women tend to talk about things indicating youth and fertility.

Women are like billboards. Men will be interested if they stare at it.
Women are trickier when trying to determine whether or not they're interested. That's because they are choosier; and rightfully so. Sex can be much costlier with 9 months of pregnancy on the line. Men think women are into them when they ask questions; but they are just poking around...gathering information that will ultimately lead to a decision.

As mentioned briefly earlier, ovulation, a woman's fertile window, changes things.
Ovulation is a girl's best friend or worst nightmare(depending on how you look at it.)
Again, this is nature at work trying to get you women to bare a child and continue the work of evolution.
Androsterone(from sweat and urine) normally smells bad, but not when a woman is most likely to conceive.
During ovulation, a woman is at her sexiest. Her skin/face becomes more attractive with a healthier glow, her voice is higher pitched, Copulance is as potent as ever, and she's more flirtatious with her body(showing more flesh and more exaggerated movements are perceived in walking/dancing, etc.
She is ready to win over a guy whether she wants to or not! Natural flirting, if you will.
And what guy does she want during this cycle? The more masculine one of course. When she's not ovulating she prefers a slightly less masculine man. So single ladies, take advantage of these roughly 14 to 0 days to ovulation and find a mate! Ladies on the pill; you must be awesome, 'cause you just refused nature's gift!

How do you use the science of sex appeal to explain how people pair up?
Let's play The Mating Game.
In this experiment, 10 men and 10 women are put in a room with a number on their forehead(1-10.)
The name of the game is to pair up with the highest number you can. A 10 symbolizes someone with the best traits. Since your number is on your forehead and there are no mirrors, you do not know your "worth."
But you will soon figure out your worth by interacting with others. When you find someone you like, you offer your hand and if they take it, you are a couple and go to the side of the room while others continue to choose their mate. So the strategy is to snag the 10 and work your way down until someone accepts our hand. Those with high numbers know right away by the amount of offers they got and thus, were able to hold out longer for the highest offer.Those with low numbers didn't get many offers at all and were rejected the most.
Unlike the real world, this experiment required everyone to be paired up, so people had to settle as the pool shrunk to zero. No one ends up alone.

The result of the experiment shows that the couples were within 2 number from each other. The 10s were with the 9s, the 2s with the 3s, etc.
In real life, you also find your value by the number of offers you have from people whose value you know.  We were all born equally valued, but once we grow and starts experiencing the dating life, we quickly figure out our value from the cues our peers give us--a feedback loop. But unlike the experiment, not everyone will be paired up in 30 seconds because the stakes are higher and compatibility is much more complicated than a number.
So to recap:
Dating is about matching up people rather than landing the guy/girl with the best qualities overall, or else you'd give up if you didn't get the best; and mankind will die off. You still aim for the perfect 10 and gradually work you way down until someone will accept you. Kinda like settling, but not really. You will find your mate through natural selection. But unlike the experimental game, in real life alot of people end up alone. They either give up or still think they can do better(in other words, they think the pool is incomplete and there are more fishies they have yet to meet)

The chemistry that brings us together also drives us apart.
A therapists says that people say they want a forever relationship, but there is alot of evidence of sexual and emotional cheating going on. The science says we are predisposed chemically away from long-term monogamy.
Naturally we are built to be with multiple sexual partners. It is with our brains that we are able to maintain a one partner relationship through religion and cultural influences. Most society dictate that we must choose a partner, keep the partner, and build a nest together to raise children. Women might choose good dad traits(kind, able to provide) to be the long-term father of her offspring, but she will look for more sexy traits(good genes she can pass on) during times when she's most fertile(ovulation.) So if those sexy traits are not with her long-term partner, this is when she'd most likely stray. So, women also seek sexual variety similar to how men are perceived to play the field...just not every second of the day.

We are programmed to stay together long enough to raise children.
4 years is the straying mark. As the child turns 4 years of age and is now able to be cared for by only one parent, break ups tend to spike.

So why do some people stay together and others do not?
To find that out we look at the creature with a 90% momogamy rate--the north american prairie voles.
Checking their brains, monogamous male voles had higher levels of vasopressin, a hormone typically known to be important for kidney function and water retention(not pair bonding and social relationships.)
The higher the level of vasopressin in males, the more likely they will be with one partner.
The equivalent in females for increased rate of monogamy is the level of oxytocin. So if you want to know who will be faithful to you? Get them tested for levels of vasopressin or oxytocin in the brain(depending on gender.)

Testosterone and dopamine works well together in the science of sex appeal.
Women's behavior changes men's testosterone levels and thus,changes the way men behave towards the women.
Men have heighten testosterone levels when females expose flesh and make exaggerated body movements.
Short skirts, tight fitting clothes, low cut tops showing presence of breasts(an indication that she's past puberty and ready to reproduce) are always sexy to men; thus, attract lots of attention whether wanted or otherwise.
Testerone is the lust drug that starts the sex drive in both men and women. It drives men to compete for/go after women and then mate with them. The higher the level, the more mating opportunities.  After the testosterone gets a guy a first kiss, and triggers the sex drive, and getting her into the sack(not necessarily the same night), the dopamine resulting from two people interacting sexually with one another keeps them in the sack. Dopamine gives you a high, elation, euphoria that is quite addictive. It is the happy pill that keeps you addicted to things such as thrills, love, sex, drugs, etc. A shot of dopamine keeps you in the mood, and having sex keeps you coming back for more.

Long term lovers keep the dopamine cente(right ventral tegmenteral system) and the caudate nucleus active when they see their loved one. Many relationships suffer from neglect by failing to make the effort to spice things up and keeping the ventral tegmenteral system active. People either walk away from the dead relationship or settle to stay in a loveless relationship. Without the activity from the right ventral tegmenteral area, there is no longer a feeling of love.

How does one know if it's love or merely lust? Besides the fact that they are different brain systems involved(lust shows activity on the left-hand side of the brain), Lust is a thrill seekers high; one that fades with time. Falling in love rewards those who relentlessly pursue a goal to be with the one they love.

Dopamine will also make women rate guys higher. A group of women were asked to rate a guy and the average rating was a 4. After a bungee jump, another group of women were asked to rate the same guy and he averaged a 6.5. So ugly guys....there's still hope...start hanging around bungee jumping bridges! hahaha

So the human brain, so powerful, marks the beginning and end of sex appeal depending on the chemicals released or lacking. It drives us subconsciously to the best possible mate. And as subconsciously, drives us away from him/her with time.

Do we have a choice in who we love?
Yes and no.
Chemisty of attraction is beyond our control, but the way we act in response is totally our choice...we get to pick whom to love from among the many that we find attractive.

Points to remember:
1) Women have a much more complex sexual agenda than men; alot more at stake.
2) We try to couple up with the sexiest partner we can have; why not, right? "Sexy" is not all about looks either; but looks definitely helps.
3) Monogamy and even Cheating is all programmed...the brain holds the key to the over-ride button.

Psychology of natural attraction (for men).

http://www.vaxus.net/arcade/Dating/David%20DeAngelo%20-%20The%208%20Personality%20Types%20That%20Naturally%20Attract%20Women.pdf

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Do you agree on these theories? 

Happy Valentine's Day and Happy big kitty year!

Taught to think global.  Continuously exposed to different things, cultures, people, ideas.  Be your own guide through obstacles in life early, and given freedom.  More sets of thinking to choose from, more ideas than others, more options.  To be given more options in work, in relationships, in lifestyle choices.  Are these individuals priviledged, fortunate, really?  No regrets?  They get tired.  Ignorance is bliss, sometimes.

Europe was a very good experience.  I would like to think that I have learnt a lot, but when I recall my first few blogs written on Xanga 6, 7 years ago, I already had the same conclusion about Europe and preferences.  Ahhh, that means I am still thinking like a 21 year old.  I was mainly living in Paris, but I took short trips to Turkey, Athens, London, and Barcelona.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ysNAxBZVvE

ooolala.  A bit of French culture.  Trop drole.  Leaving Paris now.